This is what happens when you give our girls too much candy!!! (pants on head)
Thursday, October 06, 2011
been up to....
Bailey's baby was in timeout for being notty. :0)
Gathering eggs.....from the mommy chickens
Say hello to our new baby chicks. There's six all together, Blackie, Cotton, Speckles, and the other three are identical so their names are Red.
Went to N.O. pool with neighborhood
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Discipline "To Do's" by Dr. Becky Bailey
I stumbled upon this fabulous blog and it had this Ten to do's for discipline. 8 is my favorite.
Ten "To Do's" for Discipline
1. Tell children what to do.
Principle: What you focus on, you get more of.
Application: Instead of saying, "No pushing, you know better than to push your brother, pushing is not nice," say, "When you want your brother to move say, 'Move please.' Tell him now." Focus on what you want your children to do!
2.Give children useable information, especially when you are upset.
Principle: When you are upset you are always focused on what you don't want.
Application: Instead of saying, "Why isn't this homework done? Do you want to fail? How many times do we have to go over this?" you could say, "You can start with your math homework or reading. Which is best for you?"
3. Help children to be successful instead of attempting to make or get them to behave.
Principle: The only person you can make change is yourself.
Application: How often have we attempted to make a smoker quit smoking or growing child eat her peas? There is a better way. Instead of asking yourself, "How am I going to get my child to stay in bed," ask yourself, "How am I going to help my child be more likely to choose to stay in her bed?" The first question will give you manipulative, coercive answers. The second question will give you creative, cooperative solutions.
4. Use your children as resources to solve their own problems.
Principle: Two heads are better than one.
Application: Instead of you trying to figure out what needs to be done, ask your children for input. You could say, "What would help you finish your homework by 8:00 p.m.?" Help children solve their problems themselves.
5. Put your children on your "to do list" and spend time enjoying them.
Principle: The motivation to behave comes from being in relationship with one another.
Application: When a child says, "I don't care," she is really saying, "I don't feel cared for." Cooperation comes from connection. If your child chronically refuses to listen or tells you they don't care, then you must start by rebuilding your relationship and rekindling family rituals.
6. Encourage your children during wonderful times and tough times. Do not attempt to get children to feel bad in order to behave better.
Principle: Encouragement empowers.
Application: Be your children's cheerleader. Constantly tell them, "You did it," "Way to go," "Look at you," or "Good for you." When you children are struggling you might say, "I believe in you, you can do this."
7. Take back your power. You are in charge.
Principle: Whoever you believe to be in charge of your feelings, you have placed in charge of you.
Application: Instead of saying, "Don't make me have to pull this car over," say, "I'm going to pull this car over until the seat belts are fastened and everyone is safe." Instead of saying, "You drive me nuts," say, "I'm going to take a few deep breaths and calm myself down. Then I will talk to you." When children refuse to do what you ask state, "I'm going to show you what I want you to do." Then help them be successful.
8. Become the person you want your children to be.
Principle: We must discipline ourselves first and our children second.
Application: Instead of screaming, "You better get control of yourself right now," take a deep breath and calm yourself down. Be a S.T.A.R. (Smile, Take a deep breath, And Relax). Become what you want your child to be. If you want calmness, demonstrate how to be calm.
9. Do not save your children from the consequences of their actions.
Principle: Psychological pain is a signal to make changes in your life.
Application: Help your child handle disappointing choices. Offer empathy instead of lectures after poor choices. Instead of saying, "I told you not to take that picture to school. It's your own fault it got torn in half. That is what you get for not listening to me," say, "How disappointing for you. I know how important that picture was to you." Empathy allows children to take responsibility for their actions, while lecturing allows them to blame you for their distress.
10. Teach children how to handle their conflicts instead of punishing them for not knowing how.
Principle: Conflict is an opportunity to teach.
Application: When one child comes to you tattling on the other, use these moments to teach life skills. When one sibling says, "He pushed me," you say, "Did you like it?" The child will likely say, "No!" At this point you can say, "Go tell your brother, 'I don't like it when you push me.'" Use these intrusive episodes as a way to teach assertiveness skills to your children.
Become conscious of the intent behind each of your interactions. Your intent is more powerful than any words. Most importantly, have fun! There is no right or wrong way - it is a journey.
-Becky Bailey
Ten "To Do's" for Discipline
1. Tell children what to do.
Principle: What you focus on, you get more of.
Application: Instead of saying, "No pushing, you know better than to push your brother, pushing is not nice," say, "When you want your brother to move say, 'Move please.' Tell him now." Focus on what you want your children to do!
2.Give children useable information, especially when you are upset.
Principle: When you are upset you are always focused on what you don't want.
Application: Instead of saying, "Why isn't this homework done? Do you want to fail? How many times do we have to go over this?" you could say, "You can start with your math homework or reading. Which is best for you?"
3. Help children to be successful instead of attempting to make or get them to behave.
Principle: The only person you can make change is yourself.
Application: How often have we attempted to make a smoker quit smoking or growing child eat her peas? There is a better way. Instead of asking yourself, "How am I going to get my child to stay in bed," ask yourself, "How am I going to help my child be more likely to choose to stay in her bed?" The first question will give you manipulative, coercive answers. The second question will give you creative, cooperative solutions.
4. Use your children as resources to solve their own problems.
Principle: Two heads are better than one.
Application: Instead of you trying to figure out what needs to be done, ask your children for input. You could say, "What would help you finish your homework by 8:00 p.m.?" Help children solve their problems themselves.
5. Put your children on your "to do list" and spend time enjoying them.
Principle: The motivation to behave comes from being in relationship with one another.
Application: When a child says, "I don't care," she is really saying, "I don't feel cared for." Cooperation comes from connection. If your child chronically refuses to listen or tells you they don't care, then you must start by rebuilding your relationship and rekindling family rituals.
6. Encourage your children during wonderful times and tough times. Do not attempt to get children to feel bad in order to behave better.
Principle: Encouragement empowers.
Application: Be your children's cheerleader. Constantly tell them, "You did it," "Way to go," "Look at you," or "Good for you." When you children are struggling you might say, "I believe in you, you can do this."
7. Take back your power. You are in charge.
Principle: Whoever you believe to be in charge of your feelings, you have placed in charge of you.
Application: Instead of saying, "Don't make me have to pull this car over," say, "I'm going to pull this car over until the seat belts are fastened and everyone is safe." Instead of saying, "You drive me nuts," say, "I'm going to take a few deep breaths and calm myself down. Then I will talk to you." When children refuse to do what you ask state, "I'm going to show you what I want you to do." Then help them be successful.
8. Become the person you want your children to be.
Principle: We must discipline ourselves first and our children second.
Application: Instead of screaming, "You better get control of yourself right now," take a deep breath and calm yourself down. Be a S.T.A.R. (Smile, Take a deep breath, And Relax). Become what you want your child to be. If you want calmness, demonstrate how to be calm.
9. Do not save your children from the consequences of their actions.
Principle: Psychological pain is a signal to make changes in your life.
Application: Help your child handle disappointing choices. Offer empathy instead of lectures after poor choices. Instead of saying, "I told you not to take that picture to school. It's your own fault it got torn in half. That is what you get for not listening to me," say, "How disappointing for you. I know how important that picture was to you." Empathy allows children to take responsibility for their actions, while lecturing allows them to blame you for their distress.
10. Teach children how to handle their conflicts instead of punishing them for not knowing how.
Principle: Conflict is an opportunity to teach.
Application: When one child comes to you tattling on the other, use these moments to teach life skills. When one sibling says, "He pushed me," you say, "Did you like it?" The child will likely say, "No!" At this point you can say, "Go tell your brother, 'I don't like it when you push me.'" Use these intrusive episodes as a way to teach assertiveness skills to your children.
Become conscious of the intent behind each of your interactions. Your intent is more powerful than any words. Most importantly, have fun! There is no right or wrong way - it is a journey.
-Becky Bailey
Monday, July 11, 2011
Yea! i get to play the caught up game
I love that this last month has been so busy.
We had Bailey's Dr. apt in Salt lake on may 20th. The Dr. said the medication looks like its working and we go back in September for her eye apt. Bailey has been doing great with her medication. It was a rough go at the beginning but now she has got the hang of it. After the apt we went to the Living Planet Aquarium. It was fun. The girls loved seeing all fish that are on Nemo.
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At the end of May we went with the Taylor's to Flaming Gorge. We rented our own cabin and fished over the weekend. It was when we had all those nasty days of weather but we still had a blast. Because of the weather we cooked our food inside in our fire place. Good times.
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In the middle of June we planned a girls trip to Colorado to visit Tiffany's family. The girls did great with the 7hr drive. We did a lot of shopping and swimming. It was fun to hang out with all of the girls. Fisher is getting so big. The weather was not so nice on our way home. Luckily the girls slept a lot of the time. As we were getting off to get gas in Cheyenne a HUGE hail storm came in and knocked the power out to the city. We had to wait about 2 hours before the power came back on. Lets just say I was not in a good mood and I wanted to be home. I missed Bryan so much. I do take him for granted in how much he helps with the girls. I was very HAPPY to see him when we got home at 2:00am
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June 25th was Denise's birthday party. We all ate pizza and wrote on balloons for her like we do every year. This year the girls got their own balloons to write on and they loved that. After they were done writing on them they started hitting each other which made the marker come off. They were covered. :)
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The last couple of weeks we have been putting in our sprinklers and getting ready for sod. Thanks to Dean and Lynda for all your HELP. I can't wait for this Saturday!!!! The sod is coming. I am so sick of MUD!
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We went up to Huntsville to celebrate the 4th. We asked Tammy to come along with us because Justin is in Spain. We watched the parade, swam and had yummy food, played boccie, bought some hair blows of the girls but we didn't stay for the fireworks. When we got home and could see North Ogden's from our front yard. Bailey loved the colors but not the sounds. So we watched them from inside.
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The other morning I asked Bailey if she slept good and if she had any dreams? She said "No, but Rapunzel had a dream" I laughed so hard. ( it's from Tangled)
So things are going great at the Fife home. We count our blessings every day and look forward to the future.
We had Bailey's Dr. apt in Salt lake on may 20th. The Dr. said the medication looks like its working and we go back in September for her eye apt. Bailey has been doing great with her medication. It was a rough go at the beginning but now she has got the hang of it. After the apt we went to the Living Planet Aquarium. It was fun. The girls loved seeing all fish that are on Nemo.
At the end of May we went with the Taylor's to Flaming Gorge. We rented our own cabin and fished over the weekend. It was when we had all those nasty days of weather but we still had a blast. Because of the weather we cooked our food inside in our fire place. Good times.
In the middle of June we planned a girls trip to Colorado to visit Tiffany's family. The girls did great with the 7hr drive. We did a lot of shopping and swimming. It was fun to hang out with all of the girls. Fisher is getting so big. The weather was not so nice on our way home. Luckily the girls slept a lot of the time. As we were getting off to get gas in Cheyenne a HUGE hail storm came in and knocked the power out to the city. We had to wait about 2 hours before the power came back on. Lets just say I was not in a good mood and I wanted to be home. I missed Bryan so much. I do take him for granted in how much he helps with the girls. I was very HAPPY to see him when we got home at 2:00am
June 25th was Denise's birthday party. We all ate pizza and wrote on balloons for her like we do every year. This year the girls got their own balloons to write on and they loved that. After they were done writing on them they started hitting each other which made the marker come off. They were covered. :)
The last couple of weeks we have been putting in our sprinklers and getting ready for sod. Thanks to Dean and Lynda for all your HELP. I can't wait for this Saturday!!!! The sod is coming. I am so sick of MUD!
We went up to Huntsville to celebrate the 4th. We asked Tammy to come along with us because Justin is in Spain. We watched the parade, swam and had yummy food, played boccie, bought some hair blows of the girls but we didn't stay for the fireworks. When we got home and could see North Ogden's from our front yard. Bailey loved the colors but not the sounds. So we watched them from inside.
The other morning I asked Bailey if she slept good and if she had any dreams? She said "No, but Rapunzel had a dream" I laughed so hard. ( it's from Tangled)
So things are going great at the Fife home. We count our blessings every day and look forward to the future.
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